Aloe & Moss

This morning the news reported a car/deer fatality near our house.  An 18 year old girl hit a deer that came through her windshield.  She was pronounced dead at the scene of the crash.

This evening, I found out she was one of Z’s friends from middle school and 9th grade.

She was one of the three former classmates that made the trip from GR to Gaylord for Z’s funeral.

I don’t remember Elana being at the funeral, but I checked the guest book and she was there.

Almost three months ago, she watched my child’s funeral mass – she hurt for her lost friend and in the next week or so, I’ll go to her funeral.

A year before Z passed, I took her to the funeral of one of her classmates at St. Mary School.  There were 18 kids that should have walked the graduation ceremony for the class of 2017, but instead there were only 17.  I went to his funeral, just before they started their 12th grade year, so sad for these young kids and the loss they shouldn’t have known.  Shortly after their graduation, they all came back for Z’s funeral.  The second loss for such a small graduating class.  They now number 16.  The sweet 16.

I don’t know what’s on the other side.  I can’t know until I get to the end.  But I hope these three have found each other.

I’m just kind of heartbroken tonight.  I didn’t know Elana well enough to remember her distinctly from the rest of Z’s friends.  Was she one of the girls I drove home after gymnastics or swimming?  Was she one of the girls that came over to art project in Z’s bedroom?  Is she in the picture of the half dozen girls that got ready together for homecoming at a house around the corner all those years ago? I’m not sure.  But I am sure the two of them were close enough that she made the trip and for that, I’m… something.  I don’t know.  I’m grateful that Z knew her.  I’m heartbroken that she’s gone.  I feel deeply for her parents.

Tonight, my mind is wandering – and this post kind of rambles about – but I’m kind of lost in my own emotion.  I don’t have it in me to reflect with some grace and thought.

This whole business is just shitty.  I want out.  I’d like to reject my subscription.  I take a hard pass on the situation.  Prank caller do not call back.

I can’t even give this 0 stars.  That seems too generous a rating.