As with most humans, I love cheese. Love. Cheese. All dairy, really. Cold milk? yum. Sour cream? Yes, please. Yogurt? I think I will.
For my birthday last year, a friend of mine (the mother of my God son) got me an array of fancy cheese. I work on my night cheese. I never (ever) turn down cheese.
Over the last 3 or 4 years, I’ve developed lactose intolerance. I knew it made me gassy, so I just limited myself. Then the gassy uncomfortable suddenly and abruptly crossed a line.
A week and a half ago I had to call in sick to work because I’d eaten too much cheese the night before. This past Friday, I couldn’t tolerate the little bit of cheese on my pizza. Tonight, I had a small glass of Irish Cream and I am writing this post with a terrible stomach ache and cold sweats and I will probably have to throw up soon.
I am certainly trading in my old lactose intolerance for a brand new dairy allergy.
Why have you forsaken me, cheeses?
Normally, a lactose intolerance and sudden (serious) milk issue would be really hard for me to take. But I would have bucked-up and understood that eating the sweet-sweet semi-soft gift to humans was going to be horrible for my body.
These are not normal times and I am taking this personally. It’s not an evolution of age, It’s a personal affront to me and everything I love.
Next year, I’ll probably have to move on from gin, whiskey, and wine too. And then the year after that I’ll for sure have a sudden cotton allergy.
Probably I’ll always be able to tolerate cleaning products. Because this is my life now.
Actually, I’m only half joking around about how I feel the universe and all of it’s limitless possibilities are stacked against me. I kind of am taking this personally. I really did cry a little when the realization hit that I legit can’t eat any dairy anymore without cold sweats and ripped apart guts.
I am not equating dairy allergy to the loss of my husband or my child. I am equating dairy allergy to just one more thing, another stone in my shoe, one more joy that I can’t have. The cheese issue, in and of itself, isn’t comparatively that much of game changer. The loss of cheese is the emotional straw that I just can’t add to my load right now.
I’m sitting here without cheese and my real question isn’t about dairy. I really want to know when this will end. When will the pendulum swing back towards me? Because I really do need it to come back. I’m not sure when I will lose my balance, but eventually I will.
Crying about cheese is ridiculous. 0 stars. Would not recommend.