What a friend we have in cheeses

As with most humans, I love cheese.  Love. Cheese.  All dairy, really.  Cold milk?  yum. Sour cream?  Yes, please.  Yogurt?  I think I will.

For my birthday last year, a friend of mine (the mother of my God son) got me an array of fancy cheese.  I work on my night cheese.  I never (ever) turn down cheese.

Over the last 3 or 4 years, I’ve developed lactose intolerance.  I knew it made me gassy, so I just limited myself.  Then the gassy uncomfortable suddenly and abruptly crossed a line.

A week and a half ago I had to call in sick to work because I’d eaten too much cheese the night before.  This past Friday, I couldn’t tolerate the little bit of cheese on my pizza.  Tonight, I had a small glass of Irish Cream and I am writing this post with a terrible stomach ache and cold sweats and I will probably have to throw up soon.

I am certainly trading in my old lactose intolerance for a brand new dairy allergy.

Why have you forsaken me, cheeses?

Normally, a lactose intolerance and sudden (serious) milk issue would be really hard for me to take.  But I would have bucked-up and understood that eating the sweet-sweet semi-soft gift to humans was going to be horrible for my body.

These are not normal times and I am taking this personally.  It’s not an evolution of age,  It’s a personal affront to me and everything I love.

Next year, I’ll probably have to move on from gin, whiskey, and wine too.  And then the year after that I’ll for sure have a sudden cotton allergy.

Probably I’ll always be able to tolerate cleaning products.  Because this is my life now.


Actually, I’m only half joking around about how I feel the universe and all of it’s limitless possibilities are stacked against me.  I kind of am taking this personally.  I really did cry a little when the realization hit that I legit can’t eat any dairy anymore without cold sweats and ripped apart guts.

I am not equating dairy allergy to the loss of my husband or my child.  I am equating dairy allergy to just one more thing, another stone in my shoe, one more joy that I can’t have.  The cheese issue, in and of itself, isn’t comparatively that much of game changer.  The loss of cheese is the emotional straw that I just can’t add to my load right now.

I’m sitting here without cheese and my real question isn’t about dairy.  I really want to know when this will end.  When will the pendulum swing back towards me?  Because I really do need it to come back.   I’m not sure when I will lose my balance, but eventually I will.

Crying about cheese is ridiculous.  0 stars.  Would not recommend.




4 thoughts on “What a friend we have in cheeses

  1. Amanda March 12, 2018 / 320183America/Detroit

    NOooooooooooo!!!!! Not cheese!!!! What about goat cheese? Can you eat goat cheese? Almond milk is pretty good (don’t get the sugar free—yuck).


  2. Holly Scott March 12, 2018 / 320183America/Detroit

    How awful! I think I’m getting to that place too, but thankfully not all the way there, yet. Have you tried taking lactaid before eating cheese to see if it helps? That’s the only way my brother in law can have any dairy. He also drinks the lactaid milk, or almond milk.


  3. Stacey Donnell April 26, 2018 / 420184America/Detroit

    Just to let you know your writing stays with me. It weaves it’s way into my brain and just stays. Today at work I was looking for my daily quote about reading, poetry, being creative that I post on our internal “facebook” and I came across this beauty in the poetry section and immediately thought of you :

    “Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.”
    ― G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amy May 3, 2018 / 520185America/Detroit

      That speaks to me


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