The Last, Worst, Best Celebration

This coming July 4th will be the internment for both Z and Joe.   Planning for this event really is not great.  At all.  I hate everything about it.

July 4th is two things:  1. It was Joe’s favorite holiday.  Bar none.  He lived for the 4th of July.  He, fittingly, died on the 4th of July.  2. It is our family’s vacation week.  We’ll miss Christmas or Thanksgivings or life milestones, but we do not miss the week of July 4th.

Their funerals were a respective group effort.  I’d planned his funeral as best I could before he passed;  Her funeral was an arrangement of plans and favors mushed together by people coming together to help out.  We united our pieces for that.  Their funerals were soundly group efforts.  This event is mine.  It is my opus for their lives.  My requiem for their love and spirit and shine.

I’ve made sure the clergy is available, the time is in place.  I’ve gotten word out for local hotel accommodation (  I’m menu planning, looking for seating rentals, decorations, and party favors (?).  I’ve got some live music lined up and I’m trying so, so hard to be as festive as possible.

I don’t want another horrible day in the memory of either of these two amazing people that were both jovial and fun loving.  It will be horrible because that is an inescapable part of the day.  It will be good because I am determined to love.

I’ll make sure we have a vigil campfire and the wind chimes from St. Mary’s faculty and staff will be hung up.   We will all be armed with funny stories and our favorite memories.  I’m banking on one of the older generation to not hear something correctly and get a little confused.   We will eat and drink and be merry.

This would have been the party I planned for her low-key wedding that she won’t have. This would have been the party I planned for the 40th birthday he didn’t make it to.

The party is getting expensive but this is the last party I’ll have specifically for either of these loves.

I want to make it nice.  I want it to be special.  I want the day to be filled with laughter and love and celebration of two lives that were perfect to me.

I want everyone in the world to be there and be happy and reminiscent and be sad and devastated.  I want to light the biggest fireworks I can find.  I want to usher in some joy even though joy will be a tall order.

A terrible reason to have a good party.  0 stars.  Would not recommend.




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