Polaris

I can’t adequately express how deeply Alex cared for Z’s opinion.  Her approval wasn’t just important – her approval was the only thing that mattered.  Z was Alex’s litmus test.  If Z disapproved of a person, Alex wouldn’t stay friends.  If someone didn’t like Z, Alex wouldn’t stay friends.  Z’s input was paramount and her approval was non-negotiable.

Z made quick decisions where Alex does not.  Z had strong opinions and was better at shutting down situations that weren’t in her best interest.  It got Z into trouble a couple of times, but largely Z was the model.

It seems questionable, but with all Alex’s life complications her personal interactions don’t come easy.  Alex, 100% of the time, believes what people tell her is always truth.  Alex believes everyone’s intentions are genuine and good.   Alex wants everyone to be happy.

Z, on the other hand,  was jaded and assumed everyone has an angle.  She liked to argue.  Where Alex naturally believes that everyone is genuine, Z started every interaction with suspicion.

Alex leaned on that for balance.

After Alex’s second day of college I asked her how everything was going.  She told me school causes her anxiety.

Later I found it is because she no longer has Z to blaze a trail.  Z didn’t start college, so she couldn’t tell Alex how to handle the next part of life.  Z’s perspective and advise is gone.

Alex is left to navigate the waters alone.  She has no reference.  She has no one to tell her which direction to go. She has no one to make the decision when standing at impasse.

Of course, Jay and I are there to help but parents are dumb, and we don’t know things.

Losing Z has exceeded Alex’s capacity for change.   She has no means for navigation.  She is unmoored.   She is lost.  She is leading her life without a chaperone.

It is not school that gives Alex anxiety.  It is the loss of her north star.

0 stars.  Would not recommend.

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